3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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