Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
