Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
