just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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