Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
