There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
