This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
