i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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