I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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