She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
