im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
