you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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