May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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