Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
