Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
