Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
