her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
