I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
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My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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