That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
