Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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