Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
