I'm really into asian looking animals
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
