Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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