is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
