why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
