Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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