I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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