I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
