Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
