life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
