If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
