We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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