I didn't shave. On purpose
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
