the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
