How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
