Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
