Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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