we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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