How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
