But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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