Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
