I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize