After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
