More tranny stories later!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
