I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
