are you still at the devil's house?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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