i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
