Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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