My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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