I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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