If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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