I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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