I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
