You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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