she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
