Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
