so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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