Porn is love you can see.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's like heaven, but drunker
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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