At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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