you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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