I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
