do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
