ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
