he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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